the living dead

i feel down down down...
though nothing bad has happened.
the emotional rollercoaster slides back without reaching its peak.
and i cant seem to pick myself up today.
i just couldnt cheer up today.

good things happen when you least expect them to.
the past and the present.
too many case studies, too heavy a price paid
to learn the lesson of "never setting goals to get what you want"

got some rashes due to over-drinking on sat. *sounds like a perfect reason to take leave*
not exactly over-drinking, just more than what i usually have.
just 3 pints i suppose. i cant really remember.
no hangover whatsoever.

i cant really draw a line between slack and exhausted these days.
my tempo of getting things done is getting slow.
i'm expressionless as ever. (though i wasnt really expressive to start with)
my walking pace slowed down.
i'm basically drawing energy from food and not sleep.
i actually doze off lightly while standing on the train.

i need to take leave to get my sanity.
i need to take leave to recharge my energy level.
i need to go on never-ending leave

i'm just thinking my "cant pick myself up" mentality has everything to do with "lack of sleep"
i'm exhausted/ irritable/ frustrated with everything and myself.
i'm lifelessly dragging my *not enough sleep* bag of bones and fats, walking in zombie style, expressionless and a mouth that doesnt feel like talking or smiling.

the commission is just not working on me.
i dont feel motivated.

i haven been feeling dramatically exhilarated for a month already.
i'm sorry i got dull.