settlement

i can never comprehend this...
whenever we got close enough... we drifted away...
and today, there was some intended/attempted efforts taken by him to lose the peace
i'm so tired these days...
this tug-of-war is draining my energy away...
and i wonder how long more i can take it...
just how long more i can pretend to be nonchalent...
just how long more i can be at peace with him and myself...
just how long more do i need to convince myself we can only stay as friends?


had a heartfelt conversation with man ning on the journey home from nus open house.
and finally... i've found another one who can totally understand what i've been through...
maybe i shouldnt try so hard for anything...
in pri sch, i had wanted to get into this particular sch, and i didnt make it because of a point difference...
in sec sch, i had wanted to get into this particular jc, and i didnt make it because of a point difference as well...
in jc, i had merely wanted to get into smu, and now it seemed even further away...
so tell me the moral of the story...

i once told a friend... the only time i will change my blog address is when i get pass a particular thing/incident/person. this blog has been here for as long as i had remembered. Even though every now and then, i delete blog entries... but there are some left, to stay... they serve as reminders, reminding me just how near i am to what i had wanted, motivating me to hang on... Living in self-denial... and sometimes i just love to self-inflict pain, emotionally...

lets settle this, once and for all,
one day, someday...